I’ve always wanted to cover this topic but I never quite knew how. How do I get my thoughts across in a convenient and well-worded manner? A million thoughts run through my head, how can I ever truly express myself in just one blog post? With that being said, I am going to try.
This is me at my first writers retreat. My first time being away from home and away from my parents. I was terrified. (Note: I was 25)
For those of you that do not know me, I have High-Functioning Autism as well as Severe Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive disorder (OCD), Tardive Dyskinesia…I’ll list a picture of my diagnosis below:
So, yeah. That’s basically what I am currently diagnosed with. Since I am dealing with a dual diagnosis, sometimes it is hard to keep my mind straight. It is often hard for me to find motivation to write and most of the times when I do have motivation, I have severe writer’s block. Writing has always been a part of my life in some form or fashion but lately I have been using it to cope with recovering from self-injury.
What’s it like to be on the spectrum?
I can do everything that everyone else can do with my diagnosis. It doesn’t stop me from living my life and it doesn’t really affect my day to day living. However, being autistic does have some pitfalls. I have a hard time counting money. I cannot tell time on a clock unless it is digital, and I hate loud noises and crowded places. When I am around things like fireworks or loud bangs and noises I get really frightened and I have panic attacks. I get overwhelmed with too much stimulus and I cannot concentrate and it feels like everything is closing in. The 4th of July and any firework holiday are my worst enemy. I cannot stand fireworks and where we live everyone does them constantly. Also, I am afraid of balloons. (Popping them)
Everyone believes that autism has a certain look and autistic people must act a certain way. Which is totally not true. I may not look autistic but I am. When I was diagnosed (about 2 years ago) I was already late into my 20’s. Every psychiatrist I came across kept diagnosing me with bipolar disorder but I always felt that there was something more there. We kept digging and finally we came across a great psychiatrist who took the time to sit me down and talk to me and my mom about my childhood. Did I start walking late? Did I like being held? Did noise bother me? Did I have special interests?
She asked a lot of questions and in the end diagnosed me with High-Functioning Autism and suddenly, it fit. Everything seemed to fit into place. My actions as a child were now understood. I was now understood. So, of course I started my mental health journey to recovery knowing who and what I am dealing with and ever since then life has been clearer then ever.
So, I say all this to ask you, do I look autistic? Do I act autistic? Do I write autistic?
The answers should be no. Autism although it has its faults, should not keep you from doing what you love to do. I love to write, so you know what I’m going to be? One hell of a good Autistic writer, no matter what the critics say.
AuthorHayleyTimmons 